Want vs Need

On what planet can a family of four live on $39,942 sufficiently?

Apparently that’s the dollar figure some hoity-toity-not-sweating-the-bills-over-paid-politician decided was a living wage.

Everything below that number is considered Poverty level.

I lost my job in April this year. We were struggling when I was fired by the greedy asshole who decided he no longer wanted me to work there. We have been wrestling with not going under ever since.

We lost our house already, so right now we are struggling to make rent, keep the lights on, keep the cell phones on etc.

We applied for state aid again, like when cancer and job loss hit us in 2006/2007.

Qualifiers have changed. Unemployment was a hassle at first. Asstiance has come and gone. The church we haven’t been faithful in attending came thru for us.

Other help asked for never came to fruition.

We learned most people are in the same position. But when I’m wondering which bill to pay this month and planning on what to go without…and word of friends we know that have always done better than we have are struggling only because they continue to over extend themselves, pisses me off.

The moments when you have to decide what to do without and what you tell your kids breaks your heart.

I wonder how the hell we’re going to pull off christmas.

1 out of 4 families are below the poverty threshold. As a nation we should be ashamed of the wealth we don’t share.

I have heard stories of people who cant afford to tend to give more to charity than the richest among their peers.

The problem is the “I, me, mine” attitude in this country. I’m not saying you didn’t earn what’s yours but there are people who hoard and flaunt and consider the less fortunate as below them. I’m not trying to be political here but I see who is more for the people than not.

And even below the poverty line my vote counts…you stupid pachyderms.

We are drowning. My ties to this state are solely to my Father. My mother died last year. I have one foot out of this state already.

My wife has other issues with older parents who unfortunately are also burdened with disease. How she keeps her head up as high as she does while juggling our family stresses amazes and inspires me.

She wont leave Jersey until she finds some closure with her parents’ issues.

New challenges with her mom’s cancer are going to push her to the limits of her strength.

And at every turn we can’t catch a break.

I hate the life we’re living. But some good has to come out of this miserable journey. Maybe our kids will grow up to be leaders in their communities and influence change that will help people. Maybe they will just understand and be proactive to make change happen.

They are growing up in this shit storm. I don’t know what they understand and our oldest keeps her emotions close to her chest. Maybe she is stronger than I realize. Maybe she will

accomplish some common good.

Or maybe we all just live lives that generally suck and we just up and die.

The struggle to make ends sucks…its worse when you really are strapped. Shopping at the dollar store, thinking cheaply because you have no choice. Buying what you can afford rather than what you used to buy when money was slightly better.

I’m sitting here weighing options on two bills both over due right now.

Need vs want.

Convenience is a luxury we can’t even afford right now. We have learned how to be creative in order to meet our needs and when all is said and done, we as a family are all we have to get us thru this.

People have offered to help but then let me down.

I am disappointed in them, but I can’t make them help. And all I can do is wonder if they realize what this is like when they inadvertantly flaunt what they have.

We all have our crosses to bear.
No one said this life would be easy. But I have wanted to give up so many times…

I don’t know how I get up in the morning anymore.

I’m tired.

How much more can we endure?

And…the kids need winter coats yet.

Now when I see a kid in line at school in less than 40 degree weather in a t-shirt…I no longer question his parents motivations or lack of attention to their child. Or if that kid forgot his jacket…I know how easily that kid could be my kid who just doesn’t have one.

It breaks my heart.

It breaks my heart that I’m am that close, sometimes.

It breaks my heart that I understand.

But maybe thats why we are going thru this…

Maybe its so we can help, because we are there too.


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